An ode to Beer!!

By Aradhika Sharma
I’m tired, I’m mad, I’m ready to quit!
I’m, down and out; with fatigue I’ve been hit!
Stuck in traffic for hours, in a procession
Ain’t getting a raise because of recession!!

Wife’s PMSing, the grind 'n shake is out anyhow
Mother-in-law is visiting…that ghastly ol' cow!
Our servant’s dad died AGAIN and he’s catching a train
So I’m to help with the household chores, to add to my pain!

My daughter’s new boyfriend has a purple ponytail
And orange nail polish on his pinki’s long nail
But you know, I still prefer him any day
To my son who has publicly announced that he’s gay!

Right now, you know, my life ain’t worth a dime
It’s like a drink of gin, without bitters or lime
Thinking these thoughts, I’m down in the dumps
O did I mention, my gay son has mumps?

In my depression, towards the fridge I do stumble,
“Gimme the opener, gimme a glass”, I mumble
I open the freezer, the torture life inflicts is sheer
And in my melancholy haze, I reach for a beer!

I take that first sip, then a glug then two three and four
My body, my mind scream ‘give us more, more MORE’
Obediently, I acquiesce, I respond to their call
And suddenly I find myself standing strong and tall!

What a taste divine, all drinking souls must agree
Did someone say all the best things in life are free?
Obviously, that poor sod never tasted barley water
Else, on it he would have spent his last dime and quarter!

Beer, I insist, has many advantages and gains
It’ll rid you of mental strains and bodily pains
Doesn’t matter if the wife has PMS and spasms,
We beer drinkers know, it makes up for lost orgasms!

Did anyone see a colour more lovely ‘n molten
Like a field of wheat, ripened and golden?
It’s a way to Nirvana, a pious upliftment,
I’m getting another bottle for spiritual fulfillment!

The day has turned bright and beautiful and cool
I love the traffic, I love the purple ponytailed fool
I might as well gather my rosebuds while I may,
At least my son’s not unhappy, in fact, he’s GAY!!!